Why didn’t anybody ever tell me that self-love hurts like a b*&@h? I’ve been preaching, teaching, coaching the benefits of self-love my whole life. I wrote a whole blog about it once talking about what now seems like fluffy wuffy “put yourself first” kind of stuff. Self-love is ultimately freeing, expansive and energizing, but recently I have hit a whole new depth with self-love. A raw, vulnerable, heart-wrenching depth.
A new level of self-love.
Some of you already know this, but in January 2013, the turn of a brand new year, my mom passed away rather unexpectedly. Nothing will teach you self-love quite like loss. It’s been about a year and a half and I am still riding the grief waves. Only one thing has consistently worked to help ease the grief and that has been to love myself more than my mom. Holy HELL that’s hard! I failed at that when she was here on earth and now I have to do it while my heart is cracked open and aching for her? Well, yes.
This deep grief has provided me the perfect juxtaposition for birthing the greatest level of self love yet. Let’s be honest, I am still in labor, but I can feel that what I am about to birth has a richness, realness, tranquility, presence, and beauty that exceeds all my previous attempts at wholeness. When I think about something as difficult as missing my mom the only relief I have is within my relationship with myself. When I miss her, I appreciate my fortitude. When I squirt out some accidental tears at a restaurant, I adore my vulnerability. It’s a constant head tilt back to me and back to loving myself and this path I have chosen. It can be quite a task to consistently bring the energy and focus back to myself, in fact most days it’s way easier to sit in grief.
Feeling the pain of self-love had me questioning why I was working so hard to feel so awful. Holding space for myself and unconditionally loving who I am might just be the single most vulnerable task I have ever undertaken. In fact, it has shown me a clearer picture of why we all suck so often at loving ourselves….it hurts! But it’s the real work. It’s the work that takes you through to leading the life you have always wanted. It’s the work that frees you from dross, grief, heaviness. Self-love is the work that, in the end, is actually the most selfless thing you can do for the people you love.
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Self-Love and Leadership
Two aspects of self love have been really impacting me lately and both foster benevolent leadership:
1. When you love yourself from a place of wholeness and foster a healthy relationship within yourself you not only inspire the same in the people around you, but you give them more freedom to be exactly who they are, uglies and all. I don’t know about you, but for me the best people in my life are not the ones who give of themselves, send birthday cards or call me everyday. The best relationships in my life are with the people who let me be Me! And let’s be honest, not many people are great at that! We can only love as far as our filters and fear allow. It takes a considerable level of self-love and self-esteem to have the security to allow diversity to reign in the lives of those around us. So I say, what is more loving, more giving, more altruistic than loving ourselves enough to clear away the filters and the fear to love to our fullest?
Imagine the richness, the creativity, the fullness of expression that could manifest & grow if we all loved ourselves enough to encourage the uniqueness in others!
Sounds like a movement if you ask me, a LOVE WAVE maybe?!:
2. You are in charge of loving yourself so fully, so deeply that you can stand strong in the face of adversity. Not much more to really say about that except that self-love assists in the ability to remain neutral and steady no matter what may be coming at you. We are all leaders and are often called upon in our own ways to be a pillar of light. My question to you is, when you heed the call(s) do you love yourself enough to maintain neutrality? Do you love yourself enough to see that the shit people attempt to throw at you is actually quite a sad reflection of how they feel about themselves?
Self-Love and Your Website
Ok this is a stretch, but LeadasLOVE’s passion is to provide the technology that ushers your purpose, your messages, your essence, your leadership into the world! It also takes a healthy dose of self love & vulnerability to take this step into leadership and believe in yourself enough to share your purpose with the world. Please pardon the plug, but I’m so excited to be able to offer a place and a service that gets this process at a foundational level!
Creating a web presence is a journey with self-love in and of itself. It can be a very rewarding journey if you let it and we would LOVE to be a part of your evolution!
